Workers Victory

Madame Mao has been in the former Soviet Union undergoing treatment for a number of neurological maladies. She has returned and is ready to crush revisionism wherever it is to be found.

Which is not in the East Coast rail line where workers have seized control of the National Express.

Commuters between London and Edinburgh will now enter the paradise of public ownership enjoyed by the many millions of Chinese who are left stranded at stations and abandoned in sidings with no food or water during Chinese New Year. On one train the catering staff armed themselves with knives to for protection while drunk passengers attacked them with broom handles looking for food.

Let the train take the strain. Issue passes to the masses.

First Among Equals

Meanwhile, back at the revolution ...

Venezuelan broadcasters have banned The Simpsons from morning TV on the grounds that it violates regulations barring “messages that go against the whole education of boys, girls and adolescents.”

In the interest of smashing western imperialist gender constructs it has been replaced by Baywatch Hawaii.

Referring to “Baywatch, General Manager German Perez Nahim of Televen affirmed that he was “hoping it will continue to have a good rating, because ‘The Simpsons’ worked very well — so much so that it had the highest levels of viewership for that morning timetable in the history of the channel.”

Will he, won't he?

Gordon Brown told the Chinese Prime Minister that he would be attending the Olympics. His spin doctors say that he meant he was attending the closing ceremony and never meant the opening ceremony. Easy mistake.

Meanwhile, as the Flame of Harmony, made it's way across London, Xinuha, the official Chinese News Agency, reported that he would indeed be attending.

I know who my money's on.

Max Mosely - wasn't he in hotel babylon?

You have to hand it to Max Mosely, head of the global motorsports federation the FIA. He's come out fighting and is now suing the News of the World for their expose of him having his jolly's with hookers dressed as prison guards.

The point that Mosely's lawyers are making is that the paper's report of Nazi connotation were entirely false. How do you argue with this:






Mosely's father was of course Oswald Mosely, leader of the British Union of Fascists in the

1930s which is why the British press have become so excited about the prison guard link.

Still, as long as it gets Tibet off the front page ...

I wonder what made CID think that Shannon Mathews step dad might be a kiddy fiddler?

Chinese Embassay pulls out of Torch Relay

Lot's in the papers this morning about the Chinese Ambassador, Her Excellency, Fu Ying, pulling out of her commitment to be one of the 80 bearers as the Olympic Torch Relay heads to London's O2 Arena.

Fu Ying, yesterday in London

Beauties of the Russian prison system

It's not just the industrial military complex of the former Soviet Union that recognises talent when it sees it.

Women's Correctional Facility UF91/9, which is 20 miles north of Siberian capital, Novosibirsk is also getting in on the act.

The former Gulag has been running a beauty pageant since before the breakup of the Soviet Union in 1991.

Originally contestants made their gowns out of plastic bags from the prison kitchen but they nowadays receive materials and help from warders and the competition is featured on local TV.

Inmates get to make gowns in three categories: Greek Goddesses; Flower Gowns; and Uniforms of the Future.

The winner is voted on by guards and unit heads as Miss Spring while the runners up are Miss Grace and Miss Charm.

"My prison days continue to haunt me" says former winner Natasha Patalakhova, 29, who served eight years for armed assault.

I'm not bloody suprised.

Miss Atomski 2008ski

Well it's that time of year again when Madame Mao, as a former Miss Comrade Shanghai 1935, gets to announce the winner of the annual Miss Atom competition to find the most attractive woman currently working in the nuclear industry across the former Warsaw Pact countries.

The lucky winner this year is Yulia Nagayeva who was born in 1981 and works for TVEL Corporation.

Safe in my hands

There is little going on today other than David Cameron claiming the Tories as the party of the NHS. Again my number one cadre shows his adeptness at the politics of cognitive dissonance.

He claims that hospitals should be punished by fines whenever anyone gets MRSA which, in effect, means punishing the hospital for failing to prevent the virus developing an immunity to antibiotics.

Cognitive dissonance was a tried and tested technique of the Chairman. It means saying one thing and doing another. For example: tell people that they are moving towards a socialist utopia while starving 23 million peasants to death.

Cameron says the Tories are the champions of the health service while threatening punitive measures against Doctors for something we don't understand properly and which they have little control over. Bit like paying thousands of pounds a term for your son to go to Eton only for him to be thrashed if he refuses to give some fifteen year old a blow job.

Cameron told the Today Programme that Andrew Lansley, the Shadow Health Secretary, was guaranteed to be the Health Secretary in the next Conservative Government. Guaranteed to get his colleagues in the Shadow Cabinet sharpening their knives more like.

Think back to August and Lansley was being described as 'exhuasted' and 'bungling' after making an arse of the latest Tory drive to save the NHS when they claimed that 29 NHS Trusts were ear marked for closure, only they weren't.




Back then Labour were 10 points ahead in the polls. My advice to Mr Brown is to immediately send in the tanks and crush that bloke in the tent on Parliament Square.

Mixing your messages and mixing your drinks

As the Beijing City authorities crackdown on the city's bad habits such as spitting and smoking in the street in time for this year's Olympics the UK press is foaming at the mouth over an orgy of drunken New Year violence topped off by PC Brunstrom claiming that ecstasy is no more harmful than aspirin.



While the press goes into an apoplectic moral hyperdrive and cracks begin to show in the capitalist system it was heartening to see the Mirror cheerfully lead with Ricky Hatton managing 57 pints, 17 vodka and Red Bulls, four vodkas, three whisky chasers, and a bottle of Moet champagne in just four days.

Madame Mao remains slightly confused.

You've been a very naughty comrade

In this maelstrom of materialism which is the beginning of the 21st Century Madame Mao is even now shocked by the news that a Nottinghamshire mother sent a strip-o-gram to her son's classroom to mark his sixteenth birthday.

Before the teacher was able to put a stop to the kinky high jinks the poor lad was forced to rub whipped cream into the buttocks of a decedent raven haired beauty.






Of course we had similar events in the classroom during the cultural revolution but instead of sexy western girls we stripped the teachers, blindfolded them with urine soaked rags and beat them to death with rakes and shovels.

Serve the people.

Stuffed to bursting point 吃饱撑的

"When the communes were first set up, it was real communism. The mess hall was great. We got to eat things made from wheat flour every day, and they were always slaughtering pigs for us. For a while it seemed that they were telling the truth and we were going to enter heaven. No one would have believed you if you had suggested that the Communist Party had got it all wrong. There would have been real outrage. They said that 'Communism is heaven, and the communes are the bridge that will take us there.' We felt like we were crossing that bridge, could heaven really be far away?

Then, in 1960, the big floods came. It was the worst disaster in a century. The water came right up to our kang2. In an instant the Dragon King had harvested both our summer crops and the seed for the autumn planting. There was nothing left. Add the commune system on the top of that and it meant we were facing complete disaster.

Initially, the leaders said we shouldn't worry, as the people's communes would be able to sort everything out. But what could they do? Our confidence collapsed overnight. We could just about cope with the spring crop failure, but the floods meant that there was no hope. We started to starve. I didn't have the energy to go to school anymore, and anyway the teachers were too weak to teach. We were in a state of limbo for over a year - pathetically, desperately hungry all the time. What was it like? It's hard to explain. All you could ever think of was how you could find something - anything - to eat.

At first we ate all the wild vegetables we could find and then we ate leaves from the trees. When those ran out we started stripping off the bark. Initially, we were still fussy about what kinds of bark we would eat, but later on we'd be happy to have anything at all and soon the trees were stripped bare. You might think some bark would taste pretty awful, but believe you me, if you're hungry enough, you can even be happy to eat pine bark. Honestly, we'd eat anything we could lay our hands on. Apart from other people, we killed and ate every living thing in sight. People were too starving to talk, so the village was as silent as the grave, day and night. Thank heavens there were some older people in the village who had experienced famine before. They told us that in circumstances like this all we could eat was 'Guanyin clay.'3 It helped a bit; eating it made you feel like you weren't quite so desperately hungry. But it was only dirt, after all, so it didn't give you any nourishment, and it didn't make you feel any less anxious; you were still as weak as ever. And it might have been easy to gobble down, but let me tell you it was a bastard to shit out."

- From someone who was there.

Madame Mao has stirred and she waits for her manservant to bring her morning tea. Her cell has been activated and the leading cadres have been sent to the central committee for further instruction on cognitive dissonance.

17th Congress of the Communisty Party of the People's Republic of China

Madame Mao has been away on a long convalescence. To mark the 17th Party Congress (to which I have not been invited after being purged by rightist elements in 1990), I am posting a heart warming pic of comrade tea pourers pouring tea for the comrade delegates.



From each according to their ability ...

Deen Reed - Red Suede Shoes

Dean Reed was the Red Elvis. After good ole' boy rock and roll fell out of fashion in the 60s Reed defected to the Eastern Bloc where he became a massive star in the Soviet Union and in Marxist Latin America.

Reed chose to live and die behind the wall in East Germany, mysteriously committing suicide in a lake near his home in the mid 1980s.

Despite being, in effect, a global phenomenon who sang about struggle and Texas he was never heard of in the West.

It's worth watching this trailer just to see the images at the end of the peoples' cowboy stepping through Lebanese rubble armed only with his six string and an AK47.

He also had a talking horse.

Elvish Smelvish - 30 years since the death of a cultural icon

Thankyou Ma'am.

Dawn's bare necessity

Madame Mao was slightly titillated to see pics of Lucy Davies who plays Dawn in The Office stark naked except for a toy bear in PETA's latest campaign to stop the British Army making ceremonial hats out of bear fur.

With my interest piqued I had a look at some of PETA's other campaigns and found this:




Wear a dog? What is this photo about? Does this guy from ER have his cock in the dog?

Of course Madame Mao wouldn't wear a dog, or a bear, but she might eat one, or cut off its genitals or sell its paws as ashtrays.

You Westerners are crazy.

The thoughts of Chairman Churchill

Back in the 50s Madame Mao was helping the Chairman build Socialism while capitalist running dog Winston Churchill was enjoying his second term as Prime Minister despite encroaching senility and dipsomania.

The Guardian today uncovers secret notes between Churchill and the his cabinet on the thorny issue of race and immigration.

Churchill says "Problems will arise if many coloured people settle here. Are we to saddle ourselves with colour problems in UK? Attracted by Welfare State. Public opinion in UK won't tolerate it once it gets beyond certain limits."

In considering quotas Cabinet Secretary, Sir Norman Brook, says that there is a good case for excluding 'riff-raff'.

Shut your eyes and you can almost hear Patrick Mercer.

Get on one, Comrade

The Sun tells us this morning that Sir Michael Caine is releasing an album of chill out dance music. The kind used by decedant western youth to come down from the effects of ecstacy tablets.

Sir Michael's album will be called Cained.

In China this is taken very seriously. To paraphase Marx - Methylenedioxy-N-methylamphetamine hydrochloride is the opiate of the masses.

We too have believe getting caned is the solution to the ecstacy problem. However, we use bamboo and dried birch faggots. If it's a party you want - come to the communist party.