17th Congress of the Communisty Party of the People's Republic of China

Madame Mao has been away on a long convalescence. To mark the 17th Party Congress (to which I have not been invited after being purged by rightist elements in 1990), I am posting a heart warming pic of comrade tea pourers pouring tea for the comrade delegates.



From each according to their ability ...

Deen Reed - Red Suede Shoes

Dean Reed was the Red Elvis. After good ole' boy rock and roll fell out of fashion in the 60s Reed defected to the Eastern Bloc where he became a massive star in the Soviet Union and in Marxist Latin America.

Reed chose to live and die behind the wall in East Germany, mysteriously committing suicide in a lake near his home in the mid 1980s.

Despite being, in effect, a global phenomenon who sang about struggle and Texas he was never heard of in the West.

It's worth watching this trailer just to see the images at the end of the peoples' cowboy stepping through Lebanese rubble armed only with his six string and an AK47.

He also had a talking horse.

Elvish Smelvish - 30 years since the death of a cultural icon

Thankyou Ma'am.

Dawn's bare necessity

Madame Mao was slightly titillated to see pics of Lucy Davies who plays Dawn in The Office stark naked except for a toy bear in PETA's latest campaign to stop the British Army making ceremonial hats out of bear fur.

With my interest piqued I had a look at some of PETA's other campaigns and found this:




Wear a dog? What is this photo about? Does this guy from ER have his cock in the dog?

Of course Madame Mao wouldn't wear a dog, or a bear, but she might eat one, or cut off its genitals or sell its paws as ashtrays.

You Westerners are crazy.

The thoughts of Chairman Churchill

Back in the 50s Madame Mao was helping the Chairman build Socialism while capitalist running dog Winston Churchill was enjoying his second term as Prime Minister despite encroaching senility and dipsomania.

The Guardian today uncovers secret notes between Churchill and the his cabinet on the thorny issue of race and immigration.

Churchill says "Problems will arise if many coloured people settle here. Are we to saddle ourselves with colour problems in UK? Attracted by Welfare State. Public opinion in UK won't tolerate it once it gets beyond certain limits."

In considering quotas Cabinet Secretary, Sir Norman Brook, says that there is a good case for excluding 'riff-raff'.

Shut your eyes and you can almost hear Patrick Mercer.

Get on one, Comrade

The Sun tells us this morning that Sir Michael Caine is releasing an album of chill out dance music. The kind used by decedant western youth to come down from the effects of ecstacy tablets.

Sir Michael's album will be called Cained.

In China this is taken very seriously. To paraphase Marx - Methylenedioxy-N-methylamphetamine hydrochloride is the opiate of the masses.

We too have believe getting caned is the solution to the ecstacy problem. However, we use bamboo and dried birch faggots. If it's a party you want - come to the communist party.

And to think we eat these back home ...

Capitalist progoganda machine

This from the letters page in this months Weekly Worker:


Dear red English comrads!

Sorry for my English. I want just to say, enough
dream about fucking communizm. I
am already was living with him. No
money, no food, no freedom, nothing.
Even no sex ...

Igor
Russia

32 hours in Rwanda

David Cameron is in trouble after a being asked in Rwanda by a local TV journalist "What do you have to say about continuing with your visit to Rwanda when part of your constituency is currently devastated by floods?".

Cameron had decided to clear off to Rwanda to try and trump Gordon Brown on International Development with a team of 45 or so MPs and hangers on.

Cameron thought that being photographed on Sunday afternoon in his Witney consituency before heading to the airport would provide cover for his long planned African adventure despite being in the midst of a developing national disastour at home. Unfortunatly for him his two by election defeats coupled with a continued Brown bounce in the polls has meant the political tide is now starting slop over the top of the Tory leader's wellies.

At a meeting for Rwandan MPs, at which only 12 turned up, the Chamber was momentarily plunged into darkness following a power surge. "I'm happy to see you again" said Cameron when the lights returned.

Lucky disgraced front bencher, Patrick Mercer, wasn't there or there might have been further embarassing jokes about not being able to "see 'em if they don't smile and shut their eyes".

Get out and fucking push

Luckily in the People's Republic of China mobile phones are not authorised to those without special permission from their unit.



Those repsonsible for the offending piece of footage can expect a lengthy period of self criticism.

Shirley Bin Laden

Madame Mao is shocked and horrified that a 51 year old divorcee from Cheshire has married one of Osama Bin Laden's sons who is only half her age.

Doesn't she know marriage is an outmoded concept and a construct of male gender hegemony?

I wonder what the wedding dress will be like ... ?

Machete prices - slashed

While Gordon Brown and David Cameron square up to each other across the dispatch box armed only with their wit Madame Mao has noted that the bottom has fallen out of the machete market in Nigeria following the presidential elections.

It would seem that the machete is the weapon of choice for Nigeria's political thugs and the price of a good quality blade has dropped from £1.50 to 75p. Such is supply and demand.

One trader reports that before the election he was selling seven machetes a day and now he can hardly shift one.

Is there a Minister for machetes in Nigeria, I wonder? If there is I would imagine he's shitting himself in case he gets a delegation from the Machete Manufacturers Union.

Miss Atom 2007

At last Miss Atom 2007 has been crowned. The search to find the most beautiful woman working in the Russia nuclear industry in the former Soviet Republics is finally over.

Readers will remember that Madame Mao is not only good friends with Danielle Lloyd but also that she was Comrade Miss Shanghai 1935.

Since those heady days I've kept a keen eye on Socialist beauty pageants. Shame that despite being in an age of oligarchy where Moscow boasts 35 billionaires and some of the most expenseive hotel accomodation in the Northern Hemisphere that the competition organisesrs could only afford an old school gym to crown Miss Atom 2007.

The real transisiton at Number 10

Madame Mao was somewhat disorientated by the orderly transition from Tony Blair to Gordon Brown that took place yesterday. As it is I awaited the customory arrest of supporters of the old leader and confessions that they were 100% deviationist sabatours. This did not take place. Yet.


Instead the transition that did catch Madame Mao's eye was the picture taken outside Number 10 of the moment Comrade Leo Blair ceased to be a picture on a mug and began the journey to become a a full blown D list celeb. At 17 I'm sure we'll see him on Celebrity Courtney Love Arse Bandit along with the gay Beckham children and the withered pap of celebrity that is Calumn Best.

Poor Lad.

Charlie's Angel (of death)

It has been remiss of Madame Mao to allow Comrade Diaz's courageous trip to Peru - wearing a bag emblazoned with a profile of the Chairman and one of his favourite slogans 'Serve the People' - to go without comment.

Comrades will be aware of the on-going People's War being waged in Peru by the Peruvian Communist Party (Maoist) better known as the the Shining Path to you and me.

The Shining Path advocated a peasant guerrilla revolution and was responsible for some 70,000 deaths. When they weren't bursting into bourgeois birthday parties in balaclavas and hosing down the teenage guests with hot lead they were murdering rival Marxists, trade unionists while reserving special hatred for factionalist splitters the Túpac Amaru Revolutionary Movement. (Spit!)

Here's the Shining Path Decleration on Human Rights:

Our position is very clear. We reject and condemn human rights because they are bourgeois, reactionary, counterrevolutionary rights, and are today a weapon of revisionists and imperialists, principally Yankee imperialists.

So frateranl greetings to Comrade Diaz and her decision to use her celebrity to bring to the world's attention the suffering of the peasant class in the land of the Incas. I formally add her name to the role honour of my celebrity acolytes which includes David Bowie and British MP Michael Connarty.

Comrade Facebook - where over a billion people are already sharing

At last modern technology has exposed the class schisms of capitalism. Research by the University of California has shown that Facebook is the preserve of the white educated classes and Myspace is for everybody else.

The study even showed that the US military force of occupation in Mesopotamia has banned Myspace as part of its campaign to stop soldiers blogging about the realities of life in the desert. Facebook - overwhelmingly used by the white elite officer corp - was not touched.

Long before Michael Moore's Fahrenheit 9/11 we knew that the percentage of poor Hispanic and black proletariat recruited to the army far outstripped their percentage of the total population.

As any student of communism will know the Internet was invented by The Chairman in 1972. He also put in place a People's social networking programme where whole villages were banned from talking, made to work in paddy fields and had their names replaced by a simple numbering system.

Even the facists experimented with social networking in the 1940s except they called it Volksbook and actually had the numbers tattooed on the inside of their members forearms.

We in the Politburo used to laugh at meetings and sing the theme tune to the banned US sit-com show Cheers "Where everybody knows your name".

Good times.

Who says the tradition of a 'good' lunch in politics is dead?

I got a crush on Obama

Madame Mao is devestated by the regressive tactics of this US Presidential hopeful.

I had such hopes of bouncing little Obama on my knee and now I will have to destroy him as a conspiratator and factionalist.

At least British politicians could never be accused of such overt sexism.

Pol Pot wins Britain Has Talent

Can you imagine my happiness as I was woken this morning by my tiny Comrade Manservant and the news that Pol Pot had been chosen by the public as the winner of the Britain Has Talent competition.

At last, a megalomaniac who caused the deaths of untold millions, has been recognised for their genius by the reality TV generation.

Perhaps now Simon Cowell will return my calls about my idea of rounding up everyone with a family income of more than $50,000, seizing their possessions on behalf of the people and forcing them to work the land.

The public would then get to vote on who would be executed based on how many relatives they were able to denounce following sleep deprivation and partial drowning.

The Number 36 Glorious People's Sexy Kebab Factory