Charlie's Angel (of death)

It has been remiss of Madame Mao to allow Comrade Diaz's courageous trip to Peru - wearing a bag emblazoned with a profile of the Chairman and one of his favourite slogans 'Serve the People' - to go without comment.

Comrades will be aware of the on-going People's War being waged in Peru by the Peruvian Communist Party (Maoist) better known as the the Shining Path to you and me.

The Shining Path advocated a peasant guerrilla revolution and was responsible for some 70,000 deaths. When they weren't bursting into bourgeois birthday parties in balaclavas and hosing down the teenage guests with hot lead they were murdering rival Marxists, trade unionists while reserving special hatred for factionalist splitters the Túpac Amaru Revolutionary Movement. (Spit!)

Here's the Shining Path Decleration on Human Rights:

Our position is very clear. We reject and condemn human rights because they are bourgeois, reactionary, counterrevolutionary rights, and are today a weapon of revisionists and imperialists, principally Yankee imperialists.

So frateranl greetings to Comrade Diaz and her decision to use her celebrity to bring to the world's attention the suffering of the peasant class in the land of the Incas. I formally add her name to the role honour of my celebrity acolytes which includes David Bowie and British MP Michael Connarty.

Many Happy Rooturns

Madame Mao is absolutely thrilled to join with Coleen and all the gang at Man U in wishing ace striker Wayne Rooney all the best on his 21st birthday.

As a special commerative post we've found this picture of Wayne from the 24th October 1985 when his proud dad showed him off for the first time.

Who would have thought he would have gone on to live the dream as Manchester United and England's star player.

Who would have thought that fiance, Coleen would spend £75K on a watch, bag and golf simulator as his birthday gifts.

Luckily for Wayne his old mates on Merseyside stuck on the dole or in call centres on18K a year aren't peasant revolutionaries .

If they were Wayne and Coleen could expect to have his luxury party tonight crashed by young men in balaclavas armed with knifes and sub-machine guns who would kill everyone in the room, gut them and smear their internal organs all over the walls before stealing their jewellery to mark the shining path.

Phew, luckily Wayne will just get his hub caps nicked.

Who Ate All The Noodles

Fat Boy David Cameron, leader of your British right faction, was seen holding hands with Comrade Mandela today.

So bloody fuck, the Comrade has met Alan Titchmarsh and Charlie Dimmock. They did his fuckin' garden.

But don't worry. We know Comrade Mandela well, we know him long time.

The Chairman's thoughts on dealing with rightists are a shining path for the masses to tread.

Hold 'em bloody close, SO YOU CAN AIRPLANE 'EM!!