Thursday, December 14, 2006

Dealing with criminal elements

The horrific events taking place in Ipswich has prompted a media frenzy for Cracker style psychological profilers to fill the acres of pages given over to the story.

Madame Mao has offered her own insight and services as an expert in this field to the proper authorities. The solution is simple round up all the fat BMW owners in Norfolk and exterminate them. If the authorities are unable to identify the perpetrator or the crimes continue then we simply start with the next suspect social grouping - the 5,000 US Air Force personnel stationed at Lakenheath and Mildenhall for example, or all foreign HGV drivers heading for Felixstowe.

Let me introduce you to China's mobile execution unit or 'Death Car' which is currently replacing public execution by firing squad with lethal injection. More than 40 of the units are travelling around Chinese provinces administering justice.

VAN SPECS

Cost: $37,500 to $75,000, depending on vehicle's size
Length: 20 to 26 feet
Top speed: 65 to 80 mph

THREE SECTIONS

Execution chamber: in the back, with blacked-out windows; seats beside the stretcher for a court doctor and guards; sterilizer for injection equipment; wash basin
Observation area: in the middle, with a glass window separating it from execution area; can accommodate six people; official-in-charge oversees the execution through monitors connected to the prisoner and gives instruction via walkie-talkie.
Driver area

Production to date: at least 40 vehicles, made by Jinguan and two other companies in Jiangsu and Shandong provinces


As you can see there is little need for Anti Social Behaviour Orders in the People's Republic.

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